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PTSD and Staying with People

Today I was up earlier than usual, so I decided to go somewhere. While at the “somewhere” where I decided to go, I met a super awesome man. I noticed him because he is very masculine looking, but was wearing a short flowery skirt. We talked for a long time. While talking it came up that I live in my car. He said he lived out of town and his brother was in his guest house or he would offer that I come stay with him and then he was trying to think of other people I could possibly stay with. I explained that I tend to have trouble living with people and that I really am ok in my car, but that I really appreciated it.

There have been quite a few people who have offered places to stay and I so appreciate it, or they’ve suggested homeless shelters and other things. I find that it’s very hard for me to live with people though, especially people I don’t know. I think it’d be impossible. I get very triggered very easily by a lot of things. I couldn’t even live with my ex girlfriend very long because of it though I really loved her.

So this makes it kind of hard when I think of looking for housing. I also have heard from several people that, being transgender and gender non-conforming, shelters would not be a good option for me. There is one women’s shelter that sounds nice, but I’d have to tell them a different name and make sure I didn’t slip up or else I’d be out. That sucks.

I also think of housing if and when I get the money (I’m applying for disability so I may have money at some point hopefully soon). It’d be hard to find a place that would feel safe. When I lived with my ex, I was more afraid in her house than I am in my car because of the part of town and the things I would hear. And I’m guessing any low income housing I could find would likely be a similar situation.

Good thing I’m feeling pretty positive about living in my car right now because I think this may be pretty long term! At least in my car I can move from place to place if I need to. And hey, I get to enjoy the beauty that I would probably never get out to enjoy were I in a house. The other night I watched the full moon rise and it was so gorgeous! I wouldn’t do that if I were in a home because I’m too much of a home body. There are definitely positives about my car 🙂

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Where to Park?

When I first came to town, I really didn’t know where I would park. The first night, I asked the security person at a Flying J if I could sleep in their parking lot. He said yes and that he would watch out for me. It was really hard to sleep that first night. I was totally freaked but I did finally get some sleep though I was too afraid to lay down in the back so I just sat in the driver’s chair, which is not the best place to sleep!

The second night, I had met some other people and asked them where was a good place to park. They sent me to a dark road beside a big store. When I arrived there were quite a few other people also sleeping in their cars there. Again, I slept in the driver’s seat because I was too afraid to lay down in the back.

By the third day, I realized I was going to have to find a way to get better sleep. I began looking in to homeless shelters, but was told that wouldn’t be a very good option being I am transgender (besides other reasons). Thankfully, someone offered that I could park behind their place. I felt SO much safer there and finally was able to get some sleep!